Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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