There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize