ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
