My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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