I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
