You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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