She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
