pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Randomize
