You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
