Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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