he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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