i think i have herpe
just one?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're too hungover to prance.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
