I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
