all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
