Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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