Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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