Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
