I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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