I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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