your parents love me but you hate me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
