Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
