Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
