I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
