Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk is not a location!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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