I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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