Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just cropdusted the office

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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(661): View more from California

I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i think i scared a bird with my dick

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(937): View more from Ohio

Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink

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(818): View more from California

we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am

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