worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
