We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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