I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i believe in u and ur pee
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
