I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
