So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
