Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
