Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
