Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
