i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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