You just made me feel so damn special
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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