I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
