I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
