My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Don't make out with my wife yet
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
