Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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