Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
