You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
