Nicole vs. Life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
