Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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