Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
