so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize