JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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