Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
