i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
