ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
