i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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