Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
