Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
