Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
