new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
