So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
