So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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