Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
