The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
