i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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