none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i already hear my dad disowning me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
