I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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