If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
