So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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