So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
