thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
