he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize