I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
