my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
