I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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