If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
