from now on my penis is your penis
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
