so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
