Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
